The Wardrobe’s Best Dressed: Split Daughter of Eve by Catherine Gonick

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When the Minotaur Was a Girl

                                     —Ariadne returns for her half-sister.

Greetings, Ariadne. Tell the truth. If I’d been all-girl, slim
and pretty like you, would you have helped him try
to murder me?

      You’re breathing? You’re still alive?

You woke me from a nap.

       Impossible.

I’m surprised to see you too. You traded my life for a promise
of marriage. What kind of sister does that?

       Theseus told me you were dead when he left this chamber.
       Was that another lie? Like when he said he loved me?

He thought he finished me. Look at the scar on my neck.

       Huge. Still, how lovely your woman’s head looks, so like our mother’s.
       Yet so small atop your father’s gift to you, your godlike bull’s body.

Oh yes, I’m a real family monster. Another reason to get rid
of me.

       Poor, cursed thing, if only you’d turned out part cow. Instead
       of locking you away, we could have kept you in my garden,
       fed you grass.

No need for regrets. The young humans were tasty.

       You must believe this, after Theseus abandoned me, I flew
       into a fury. Then thought of you and was ashamed. I wished
       only to return, give you a proper burial.

So finally, you understand rage. I’m not impressed.

       Sister, I beg you to forgive me. I loved that man as much
       as I feared your awful hunger.

I’m hungry now. Why don’t you feed me those funeral
offerings? I’d like to try that honey and wine.

       Of course. Open your mouth. And please, watch where you step.

Delicious. I’ll have another cup.

       Now, Sister, you must let me help: I have a new man now, a god
       who is my husband. Come with me.

To live in your yard like a pet?

       You’ll live like a queen in our palace. You can’t stay here.
       Outside this room, the walls have collapsed.

I brought them down after Theseus left.

       All by yourself? Zeus help me! Well, it’s hot out there.
       I’ll give you my hat.

How about a dress, to cover my animal parts?

       What nonsense. You’re splendid just as you are. I’d be thrilled
       to have your strength.

You don’t need it, not with your looks.

       Please. We can walk away and be immortals.

As a woman-beast? No thanks.

       We can be happy together. Trust me; I’ve changed so much.

You’re still a princess. And so stupid.

       I’m still your sister.

So let me tell you: I could have killed your darling warrior
in a minute. But I hoped if I let him go, you people would leave
me alone. Is there any more food?

       You’re still hungry?

You have no idea how much I can eat. If I were you, I’d go now.

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