The Wardrobe's Best Dressed: Boys Buy Me Drinks to Watch Me Fall Down by Anna Dickson James

This selection, chosen by managing editor Krista Cox, is from Boys Buy Me Drinks to Watch Me Fall Down by Anna Dickson James (Whiskey Tit 2023).

Proud to be a Shriner’s Wife

(excerpt)

Gretchen’s been dating a 24-year-old professional boat racer from Brazil named Audato. She met him at the Kroger’s, picking among the tomatoes and iceberg. Iceberg for Christ’s sake. I could see if she were tiptoeing through the arugula or stroking suggestive spines of dragon fruit, but she met him shopping for the kind of bland, hot house salad my mother makes. Me? I’m the one eating the grapples, the cremini, the mesclun. If I weren’t so proud to be a Shriner’s wife, I’d wonder when my Brazilian would show.

Audato heads home in two weeks, and he’s taking Gretchen with him. She’s going to wait on the shore in a white pant suit and a blue scarf around her neck waving and smiling while he makes his way to the deck. I know this because I coached her out of the Macy’s and into Gabrielle’s downtown where she could get a properly made suit, and for more casual occasions, custom fitted jeans. The individualized tailoring only costs $50 more, and I wanted her to have them. She also tried on a stunning black bikini with little white dots and plump red cherries that laid out across her chest like a buffet. It lifted her breasts nicely, so nicely that it made Gretchen blush and hitch a minute or two before she agreed to let me buy it for her. We cut the tags and rolled the items neatly like cotton sushi and tucked them into two new, pink, hard-shelled luggage cases and set them beside her door three days before she was to leave.

When Audato came for Gretchen’s goodbye dinner, he brought a pitcher of Brazilian sangria, which turned out to be an ecstatic blend of $6 wine, fruit punch, Sprite, and maraschino cherries. He’d actually brought two pitchers, one in a sweating glass pitcher, the other in a Tupperware container as a backup. We had a marvelous time, talking and laughing, listening to Audato wax poetic in his thick Portuguese accent. Gretchen stayed at his side, giggling girlishly, preening her hair, and popping breath mints after every round of drinks. The laughing exfoliated my soul, and even my dear husband, Petey, laughed so wide that I could see his row of silver fillings in the back of his mouth.

Anna Dickson James earned her MFA from Queens University of Charlotte and is an Associate Professor of English at Garrett College in Deep Creek, Maryland. While she hasn’t lived her stories as written, she found that composing them helped her understand a time in her life when she, despite identifying as a feminist, gave up much of her personal power. Now, as a certified mindset coach she helps small groups of women find their strength and claim their autonomy.

Krista Cox is the Managing Editor of Sundress Publications, The Wardrobe, and Doubleback Review. She’s a poet and editor and currently pursuing her master’s in clinical mental health counseling. Mostly, she’s just trying to stay hydrated while she fights the system.