The Wardrobe’s Best Dressed: Pretty to Think So by Samantha Edmonds

Better Living Cookbook: Recipe for a Real Girl

Ingredients:
• The so-happy-your-heart-hurts teeth from your first love
• A dusting of powder, a streak of eyeliner
• The curvy eyebrows of the boy who wasn’t as smart as you
• The dogged persistence of the boy who never asked
• The wrinkled, soft hands of the man you’ll never regret
• Brains, your own (measure amount carefully, too much of this
can ruin the entire dish)
• The heart-shaped freckle on the right shoulder blade of the one
you lost
• The gentlemanly manners of the one you never said yes to
• Blue eyes from someone, sculpted arms from another, and
mouths from them all
• Pieces and parts of all the boys you have ever known, Eve
carving herself from Adam
• A mascara’d crust to put it all in, to hold it all together

PREP TIME COOK TIME READY IN
65 Minutes 20-30 years a lifetime, if you’re lucky

Preparation:

1. Boil thoroughly in a long, hot shower.
2. Shave legs and under arms. (Tip: Shave the knees a second
   time; no matter how hard and close you press the blade, there
   will always remain a few solitary hairs there, defiant in
   sunlight.)
3. Moisturize, lotion, perfume.
4. Slice and dice a garment for wearing until at first glance it looks
   modest with potential for accidental sex appeal.
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5. Knead the still-damp hair under fingers and leave to air dry in a
   casual, messy way. (Tip: Don’t rush this step—sometimes it’s
   necessary to spend several minutes ensuring the part is just the
   perfect kind of crooked; it can take hours of preparation to
   achieve this natural look.)

Cooking Instructions:

1. Let simmer until he arrives.
2. Sift through restaurant options. (Tip: Don’t mention you hate
   hamburgers when he suggests the local burger joint.)
3. Sprinkle laughs on all his jokes, especially the ones in poorest
   taste.
4. For extra flavoring, add a kiss.
5. Carve the smile from his lips to keep for yourself.
6. Flip half-heartedly for the check, to ensure even browning, but
   back down when he insists—grate this chivalry into fine pieces
   and save them.
7. Squeeze the fingers off the hand you’re holding to never forget
   the feel of them.
8. Melt into his arms, chop them at the shoulders to keep around
   you always.
9. Peel the freckles off his back, set aside.
10. Whisk conversation in a restaurant or a car, careful of dark
    secrets boiling over, stir occasionally.
11. Strain out the excess, and keep the parts of him you like best.
12. Bake arms and freckles and hands and mouths into warm pie.
13. Remove from oven, allow 10 minutes to cool.
14. Best served quickly, as soon as you return; swallow these parts
    of him and make them yours, and he will see himself in you and
    be glad.
15. Wait for him to call again—and repeat.

Chef’s Note: We have determined the nutritional value of a first date
based on a retention value of 10% after cooking. The exact amount may
vary depending on cook time and temperature, ingredient density, and
the specific type of boy used.