The Wardrobe's Best Dressed: Letters to my lover from behind asylum walls by Robin Sinclair

August 12, 2003

The Need.

My Eleanor,
That Barcode Girl wept today in Group, forced
to tell a story that made her feel alone.
She refused, said she knew what it would do to her,
said she knew the memories in the air would
break her,
but they raped her.
They didn’t pin her down, a forearm across her chin,
pushing harder as she quietly cried;
they simply shaped her thoughts with words until she
laid on her back
and found herself somewhere else.
When it was over, she lost her breath,
started drifting,
wobbly-drunk from failed escape and
the wave of an almost forgotten feeling.
They carried her away,
sobbing as she screamed, “I need her.”
A girl named Kim once whispered to me through a
telephone
that she needed me.
It turned my chest to tar,

like that feeling you get walking into a courtroom
or climbing the stairs to your apartment, knowing
there will be an eviction notice on your door.
I didn’t need Kim. I didn’t need anyone –
I had always felt complete on my own until I met
you.
I don’t remember what my response to Kim was,
but it was more than likely a lie.
Someone who is whole never needs to be untruthful.
Today I woke up feeling what I’ve known I feel,
but haven’t felt in some time.
I was terrified. I missed you.
I was hopeful,
and fought to hang onto the edge of a dream, but
could only recall an empty country road
I did not recognize. Dusty dirt met the pavement
just below the guardrail.
Beyond that, I’ve lost the image.
I hope to see you soon.
Sweet Jane

This selection comes from the poetry collection, Letters To My Lover From Behind Asylum Walls, available from Cosmographia Books. Purchase your copy here! Our curator for this selection is Nilsa Rivera.

Robin Sinclair is a queer, genderqueer writer of mixed heritage and mixed emotions, currently on the road, reading from their debut book of poetry, Letters To My Lover From Behind Asylum Walls (Cosmographia Books 2018).

Robin’s work has been published in various magazines and journals, including Across the Margin, Shot Glass Journal, Red Bird Chapbooks, The Cerurove, Yes Poetry, and Pidgeonholes.

As a writer, Nilsa explores gender and diversity issues (including child neglect, domestic violence, homelessness, and sexual abuse). Her work has appeared in the Huffington Post, The Selkie, and several other literary journals. It’s also been featured at Miami Book Fair’s LipService True Stories out Loud Miami, the Writing Class Radio podcast, and at the “Muses and Music” a multidisciplinary event of the Cream Literary Alliance. Nilsa is also the Editor of The Wardrobe and Doubleback Review. Nilsa can be found reading or at the beach.