SEA-WITCH TRANS MEMOIR NO LIFE LEFT
I am so tired about Sea-Witch. I miss her dearly & want to hold her. At the same time I cannot assume that the disease that changed my brain & made me leave has gone. I want to help heal her. I want to heal myself.
I am living now inside the arms of a bright warmth that lets me live. She is like Sea-Witch in many ways. She might be Sea-Witch. When I was living in Sea-Witch reality was fluid, as was time. I am still in Sea-Witch & so I call this bright warmth “Sea-Witch” even though I have left her. Still I miss her and my time there. The following is a list of feelings I have had recently:
1. The feeling of being hunted.
2. The feeling of being the one hunting me.
3. A ball of cold metal inside my stomach that expands irregularly, points of which rupture some organs & just barely pierce my skin.
4. Standing on a beach while comforting someone in mourning.
5. Harm. Direct, ruthless harm.
6. A huge bird eating a building.
7. Being inside that building while it was eaten. Continuing what you were doing anyway.
8. A sweet animal putting its chin on my leg. Touching the animal. Feeling her fur.
9. Being completely naked in a room entirely full of soft cotton.
10. Last night I buried my head six inches deep in a wood floor.
11. Feeling the ache of that injury the next morning. Vomiting.
The bright warmth wants to go with me. She holds me in my fits. I hold her back. I still pray to meteor sometimes, but these days I find myself praying for thanks as much as for destruction. Whenever I pray like this Meteor prays back & tells me that it was not her doing. My power is limited, she prays. I’m kind of a one trick pony.
[image description: page 77 of the book SEA-WITCH v.2 Girldirt Angelfog by Moss Angel the Undying. Black text is on a hite page in four sections. On the bottom left of the page, a handwritten pink word in large scrawly, crowded letters: none. On the bottom right of the page, pink handwriting in larger letters that are more spaced apart: I’M SORRY.]
Moss Angel is a crossgenre writer and book artist based in Portland, OR. She is author of five books, most recently Sea-Witch v.1: May She Lay Us Waste and Sea-Witch v.2: Girldirt Angelfog, both out from 2fast2house. You can support her work by subscribing to her patreon or buying her books.
M. Mack is a genderqueer poet, editor, and fiber artist in Virginia. Ze is the author of Theater of Parts (Sundress Publications, 2016) and three chapbooks, most recently MINE (Big Lucks Books, forthcoming 2017). Their work has appeared in such places as cream city review, Cloud Rodeo, Rogue Agent, Menacing Hedge, and The Queer South (Sibling Rivalry Press, 2014). Mack is a founding co-editor of Gazing Grain Press, an assistant editor for Cider Press Review, and the monster maker behind What Is Reality Plushies. Find them at mxmack.com.
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