This selection, chosen by managing editor Krista Cox, is from Boys Buy Me Drinks to Watch Me Fall Down by Anna Dickson James (Whiskey Tit 2023).
Who’s a Good Girl
(excerpt)
There are mountains in West Virginia that are wild and unclaimed, and my husband, Dante, sold all of his tech stocks and bought a plot of land on top of one of those mountains. A crew of men cleared a patch in his name, barely big enough to hide a house in between the trees, and I hadn’t heard a word about it until it had a foundation and the wooden frames of 4 bedrooms, one for me and Dante, one for our boy, Ted, one for our girl, Meg, and one for all of our overnight guests. Before we had time to discuss it, the house had a kitchen with quartz countertops and an island with a second sink. It had two ovens, one for the turkey and the other for the sweet potato casserole and the green beans with French fried onions, enough to feed a crowd, and it never occurred to him that no one would drive those curved roads and ascend that mountain to visit.
To say that I was angry was an understatement, but I shouldn’t have been surprised as his motto was, “It’s better to beg forgiveness than it is to ask permission.”
He paid his penance when I packed up the kids and moved back in with my widowed dad. The kids stayed in the refurbished basement rec room, and I slept in the bedroom I’d grown up in on the frilly canopy bed with cheap plastic finals, one of which fell off every time the door slammed shut too hard. The smell of my father’s bratwurst and tobacco, coupled with his grumpy attitude, untampered by my mother’s kindness and allowed to run wild after her death, drove me insane.
“Why is your hair like that?” he said to Ted, referring to the curls that fell below his earlobes, and Ted shrunk a little under his criticizing eye.
“You’re getting chunky,” he said to Meg, pinching her belly.
“Why doesn’t your husband want you?” he asked me while the kids were lying on the floor watching TV with the sound low, hearing every word.
Even in these modern times, unless your husband is a known rake or quick with a fist, it’s still mostly a woman’s fault when a marriage falls apart. In my case, I was simultaneously too emasculating and too needy. After three weeks under siege at my dad’s, I hit up a bar, ruining my 472 days of sobriety. It seems that I needed Dante to keep me square.
Anna Dickson James earned her MFA from Queens University of Charlotte and is an Associate Professor of English at Garrett College in Deep Creek, Maryland. While she hasn’t lived her stories as written, she found that composing them helped her understand a time in her life when she, despite identifying as a feminist, gave up much of her personal power. Now, as a certified mindset coach she helps small groups of women find their strength and claim their autonomy.
Krista Cox is the Managing Editor of Sundress Publications, The Wardrobe, and Doubleback Review. She’s a poet and editor and currently pursuing her master’s in clinical mental health counseling. Mostly, like everyone, she’s just trying to stay hydrated while she fights the system.
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